Tuesday, 28 September 2010

Mmmm... Sushi

Why do all lesbians love sushi?
I think it's delicious and so do all the lesbians that I know, find me a lesbian who doesn't like sushi and I will not believe you.

I think it's because the salmon is so soft in your mouth. (that was not meant to sound rude)

I just ate all you can eat sushi in the best sushi place in town. You have to eat everything you order or they charge you for what you don't eat. My goodness we ordered a lot of sushi. I feel like I have eaten a lifetimes worth of sushi in one night.  I'm worried that I will never be able to eat it again. I will do it again. Perhaps not soon.
I just typed "lesbian sushi" into Google. (I have no shame I will type anything into Google) and I found two things. One is this:
Phyllis: Dean Porter, you're demoting her.
Alice: I'm taking Phyllis to Murakami.
Bette: Lesbian Sushi.
Phyllis: Really? Lesbians have their own special kind of sushi?

And two is that if you type the word lesbian into Google, it doesn't auto-complete. Is it that Google thinks lesbian is a word that shouldn't be searched?! Hmn lets see what else you can type into Google... you can type, queer, dyke, gay and they all auto-complete with things like gay pride, gaydar, gay test, queer theory, queer as folk, etc but if I type lesbian, nothing. The only other thing that I can think of to type in that doesn't auto-complete is the word porn. 

Google thinks you shouldn't search for lesbians or porn, God forbid you type in lesbian porn!!

I just think that kinda sucks. You know what does not suck though? Sushi.

Wednesday, 22 September 2010

You come out to a couple of people and suddenly everybody is gay...

So after my recent coming out. 
Which is going awesomely btw. (I love to talk about being gay and in LOVE openly.)
I have found out that not one but two other women at my work are gay and not only gay but MARRIED. howfreakingawesomeisthat?! 

I do not, however, work in the same department as them or even in the same building. Buuuuut I have a sneaking suspicion that one of the people I came out to recently, told one of these gay ladies that I am also in the circle-of-trust. Why do I think this? She totally did the Lesbian-Backwards-Head-Nod. AND smiled. She's gotta know. I secretly hope she does.

Michael: Can you tell who's gay and who's not?
Dwight: Of course.
Michael: What about Oscar?
Dwight: Absolutely not.
Michael: Well he is.
Dwight: Well, he's not dressed in women's clothes, so...

Coming out is difficult because you never know what reaction you are going to get. Luckily for me, the only truly negative reactions that I have had are from people I don't want to be friends with anyway.  But coming out is one thing. Working out who is gay and who is just a superdry fan is super difficult. 

Michael: Do some research. Find out if there's a way to tell just by looking at them.
Dwight: Jim told me you could by gaydar online.
I often find myself having the is she/isn't she conversation but unless she has her hands down another girls trousers and is glued to her face, how do you really know? At Norwich Pride 2009 a woman was speaking about how lesbians check each other out when they see another could-be-lesbian but they never do the head nod, or smile when secretly we all want the head nod and the smile because we all like to feel a part of the secret club that is LESBIANISM.

So if you see me in the street and I do the head nod at you, its because I think you are, or should be, batting for my team. 

Bears. Beats. Battlestar Galactica.

Jim: Question. What kind of bear is best?
Dwight: That's a ridiculous question.
Jim: False. Black Bear
Dwight: That's debatable. There are basically two schools of thought--
Jim: Fact. Bears eat beats. Bears. Beats. Battlestar Galactica.
Dwight: Bears do not.... What's going on? What are you doing?!

Paaaah hahah ahaha haha ha!!!!!!!!

This is clearly the best prank that Jim pulls on Dwight.
Jim turns up to work dressed as Dwight and depicts his mannerisms and character perfectly. 



This made me think about dressing up. This weekend, I am going to a drag party. I so wanna go "bro" ala Halloween 2008 but I fear my bazoomas are unsquishable. I don't wanna look like a guy with moobs and an eyeliner goatee. (Oh, perry, you've drawn a bit of a beard on). I hear that cling film makes for a bad choice for strappingthemdown. Waay too steamy in there. And I also hear that duct tape really rips your skin off. What is a girl to do? Someone said wear a sports bra that is too small for you. I just so happen to have one of those lying around but I tried that one, in fact I tried two brasthatstrapyoudown on at once when I was Edward Cullen, I wish Scissorhands. I was still boobilicious. damn. Also I couldn't be bothered to make more scissor fingers so I just used forks. One of them, I found in my room, from the day before. It still had food on. Gross. Man I miss the freeze sometimes. Themed parties are my favourite.

Kelly: Hey! A margarita-karaoke-Christmas party! That sounds like fun.
Angela: No. That is not a party, there is only one party and it's hosted by the party planning committee, and it starts at 3 o'clock.
Kevin: Then why are there two flyers?
Karen: Oh, I understand that this is confusing for everyone, let me explain. There's a party that starts at 3--
Kevin: Right...
Karen: And then there's a way more fun party that starts at 2:45.
Pam: Right, and if you're interested in the way more fun party, all the info can be found here, on our more brightly colored flyer.

Sunday, 12 September 2010

Mmm. Cake.

I will be making Carrot Cake this week.
This is how I will make it:


  • 300g plain flour
  • 2 tsp cinnamon
  • 1 tsp baking powder
  • ½ tsp bicarbonate of soda
  • 200g soft brown sugar
  • 4 eggs
  • 250ml oil
  • 1 orange, zested
  • 1 lemon, zested
  • 200g carrots, finely grated
  • 150g walnuts, chopped 
It is going to be lush. I might share it, if you are lucky.

Thursday, 9 September 2010

No. I do not have a boyfriend...

I came out to another person at work and actually said the words "I'm GAY". I didn't shout it but it felt like I did. Luckily, I was talking to someone who's "best friend is gay" and they thought that it was awesome and I should have told my stupid ignorant colleague last year, on her last day, just to mess with her. Wish I had now!

Sometimes I think that even when I specifically tell someone that I have a girlfriend they think I am being cute and calling my friend who is a girl my girlfriend like a gal pal. puke. Idiots.

The next person I'm gonna out myself to is my boss. Hopefully this will happen when there is another one of my colleagues there too (i'll pick my time carefully) so then I don't ever have to fake laugh or avoid the question again when they ask about having a boyfriend?! I hate that some people may feel sorry for me because I don't have a boyfriend. I do not need your sympathy thankyouverymuch. I have a wonderful WOMAN in my life who makes me extremely happy.

One day, people will ask if you have a boyfriend or a girlfriend and it won't matter to them either way.

Should but won't

Today I was looking through the UEA student hand book (Lucy's) and there is a website called fatbrain.co.uk you can buy and sell you books really easily. So I thought brilliant, I've got a tonne of American Studies books that I have never read and will never read. I should but I won't. Hopefully I can make some extra cash.

I started by adding the A People and A Nation (the bane of American Studies '08 Student's lives): Not buying at this time.
OK something else shit that I can't even remember which class I bought it for: Major problems in the History of the American West: £6.95 hmn. kinda ok. more than a fiver, oh wait here is the original price sticker - £16.95. Damn what a waste of money. oh no wait, a people and a nation, has a sticker too - £31.95 shit.
What about... American Politics and Society: Not buying at this time. John Brown's Body: Not buying at this time. Major Problems in American Constitutional History: Not buying at this time. They don't want my crappy books, what about my interesting ones... Critical White Studies (Used this for sooo many essays here and in America, so useful): £2.50, Lucy's (Not sure I should be selling her books) Hop On Pop: £1.68 Generations of Captivity (Made me sound clever when I had read it and talked about it in class) £0.11. ELEVEN PENCE!?! What's the point?! Sigh.

I basically learned that I could sell all my interesting uni books and make about £10 and it would leave me with all the boring ones I never read. Maybe it's the universe telling me that I should have read them? I won't. Shorn't

I'll have to make other uses for A People and A Nation:
- Lucy used it as part of her Halloween costume last year - she held it when she was being the Statue of Liberty.
- Spider killer
- A weapon to beat off intruders.
- As a door stop.
- It's a good one for pressing flowers.
- We have two copies (one is Lucy's) I could stick them to the bottom of my shoes and I would be two inches taller.

Monday, 6 September 2010

I came out to two people at work today

I'm not out at work.

I work in a school so it's not really appropriate to be like hey everyone. I'm gay. Deal.
Especially when everyone and their mother is like "hey *generic school boy name* is gay" and "I'm not doing that, it's gay" all the live long day. Bastards.

I've been in my job nearly a year and my girlfriend has always been my housemate.

I've been in four jobs since I came out and I have been out in two of them. The first I was not out, it was not necessary, there was nearly no-one worth talking to. Since then in the next two jobs, I came out to my team after I got to know them and then the next job I came out on my first day. So easy when you work with cool people.
The people I work with now are different. For the last year I've been working with an old woman who thinks all gay people are male hairdressers. The rest of the people I work with are in another office and I'm not close with any of them and they have a "hot man" calender on the wall. So this coupled with the "that's so gay". I didn't think this was the right environment to declare that I love women. One woman to be precise.

However, this all changed today. The old woman has left and I have a new colleague. So she was like how was your holiday, who did you go with? And I responded with my girlfriend and her family it was awesome, and the next question was just where in America did you go? How Awesome.

So armed with one person knowing that I have a girlfriend I decided to just tell the next person who asked me about my holiday that I went with my girlfriend. There was a little Ooh in her voice but she continued on with the conversation as though nothing out of the ordinary had happened.

Hurray for open minded people! Nothing out of the ordinary had happened.

So here is my plan. If someone asks me about anything where I can say that I did it with my girlfriend, (That's what she said) went there with my girlfriend, (That's what she said again?) have a girlfriend then I'm just gonna go for it. That is including my boss but not any students. Let's see how it goes. :)

Sunday, 5 September 2010

Bored games?

For those of you who know me and my girlfriend, you will know that there is nothing we like more than to be quizzed on our favourite TV shows. Lucy has the Friends trivia book and I swear, there is not a question she cannot answer.

F.R.I.E.N.D.S Scene it?

OMG. So much fun aaaaand Gunther takes you through everything.
The fact that this game runs on your DVD player amazes me. So cool.

I personally find this game kinda difficult, the questions are the kind of questions that the answer is in the back of your mind and you know that you know the answer but you only have 10 seconds...

Lucy however, is the queen of this game. BUT even she admits there are questions in here that she wouldn't know. They MUST be difficult.

The Office Trivia Game: The Sequel

So, I recently bought this game in P-Town.
We have played it twice.
The idea of the game is basically to get around the board to collect all the coloured Dundies.
You do this by answering questions in each room.

As a fan of the show, I can say that it's an awesome game. The questions are challenging and the concept is a good one. However, what the hell are you meant to do with the coloured dice and how the hell do you get into the purple room?
The instructions are funny. Not funny - haha. I mean funny weird. After it explains what the first player is meant to do and what the pieces do, it doesn't explain anything else. There are two dice. One is clearly for rolling and moving with but there is a coloured one that has 6 sides (obviously) and numbers 2-7. There are 7 rooms that you can enter on the board which are coloured the same as the colours on the dice but there is a purple room and no purple side to the dice. WHAT??! TOO CONFUSING.

I said its an awesome game, and it is, but you have to kinda make up your own rules. They may as well have given you the contents of the game and no rules. Brilliant.

Thursday, 2 September 2010

Dunder Mifflin: The People Person's Paper People

Andy Bernard: Okay so help us out.
Michael Scott
: I wish I could but I can't, well can but won't. Should - maybe but shorn't.
Kevin Malone
: Michael please.
Michael Scott
: What part of shorn't don't you understand, Kevin? 

The American Office is more than ten times better than The British Office. 

OK, Season One is extremely similar to British Office but pass that and Season Two is where it really becomes its own show. 

Before I had watched the American version, I would have called myself a "fan" of the British Office. However, it's creepy and makes me cringe so bad whenever Ricky Gervais is on screen. I loved to hate it. 

The Office: An American Workplace takes all the awesome parts of the British show and leaves out the creepy parts. Michael Scott is as stupid and ridiculous as David Brent but in his heart you know he is a sweet guy who just wants to find a woman to love. Whereas, you know you would not like to meet David Brent when he is looking for a date. You could easily turn Michael down but David would be a smarmy creep to try to take you home. Michael is a goofy fool most of the time whereas you know David Brent is a horrible man who thinks he is God's gift. I do not like David Brent.

When you watch Michael Scott on screen, you think "oh God Michael, don't say/do that, you are going to ruin it for yourself" where as with David Brent you think "oh God David, stop, seriously, that poor person you are talking to!". The only time I have felt absolutely terrible for what Michael is about to do is in "Scott's Tots".  That episode is in Season Six. It took six seasons of the show to freak me out whereas Ricky Gervais does it in nearly every episode of the two seasons of the British version.

There are obviously some good things about the British version. Tim and Dawn are a cute couple and their love story is beautifully British. Garreth is awkward, strange and creepy. He is a character like no other... Or so you would have thought. Dwight starts out just like Garreth, he is a suck-up, he thinks his boss is his one true leader and he has no problem knocking others out of his way for personal gain. He is, as is Garreth, an actual idiot. However, unlike Garreth he has a likable side, he is, underneath his ridiculousness, a sweet man. I guess you may only see that though after watching six seasons religiously.
Tim and Dawn are the British Version of Jim and Pam. The premise is the same. Tim and Jim are geeky but cute guys only in their job because of the receptionist they are secretly in love with. Dawn and Pam are said receptionists. Tim and Dawn are just about the only bearable thing in the British Office. I am more in love with Jim and Pam though. I am in love with their love. It's so believable and cute and adorable and I love love love them. LOVE. 

There are sooo many things that I love about The Office: An American Workplace. Too many to mention in just one post. (Oh wait, I started a blog, I can write about whatever I want, whenever I want). There are so many reasons why it is so great, one of which is the tiny details that you miss on your first watch. For example: 
- Erin's real name is Kelly. There is already a Kelly in the office so she takes on her middle name.
- Creed and Meredith's computer screens are often in shot, showing that they are playing solitaire.
- Angela keeps one of her cats in the bottom draw of a filing cabinet.
- Jan LOVES Hunters band.
- When Jim puts Dwight's desk in the men's room, Kevin comes out of a stall with a candle.
- In the Halloween episode of Season Six, Creed is dressed as a vampire, Ryan is dressed as Edward Cullen. Daryl calls them the old guy and the goth kid.
- Toby gets Creed to eat a potato like and apple and not notice that it's not an apple.
- When Meredith flashes Michael, he still takes a picture.
- On the tour of Michael and Jan's house, they didn't put away the video camera in the bedroom.
- Michael doesn't sleep in a bed with Jan, he sleeps on a bench at the end of the bed, like a dog.
- The excessive use of "Babe" by Jan and Michael for each other.
- Meredith gets bitten by a bat because Dwight traps her head in a trash bag with the bat inside.

These tiny details make me crack up, every time.