Sunday, 21 November 2010

The Kids Are All Right

I'm just gonna say it: I liked this movie.

Of course I liked it, I have to like it, its about lesbians and it was out at the mainstream cinema.

However, I know there are two main issues with it. (Spoiler Alert) 
1. This is what the director said  "They say, 'Why did she have to stray with a man?' And that just feels very narrow to me. Sexuality is fluid. Not everyone lives on the lesbian reservation." I get that, anyone can fall for anyone, its not the gender its the person blah blah blah. But, I'd hope that more people than just liberal lesbians are seeing this movie, and, I would also hope that some people would see this movie and be enlightened to the fact that lesbians exist and they are actually "normal" people. 

I really liked that this is a lesbian movie that could have been any couple going through the same issue. It is incidental that they are lesbians, rather than it being all about their lesbian issues, it is about their family issues with a few lesbian issues added in. It could quite easily have been a straight couple that used a sperm donor with the same plot line.

HOWEVER. It really pisses me off when it is suggested that what lesbians really just need is a penis and really if given the chance they would take it. I would hate to think that people come out of the movie and think "well of course she slept with him".


2. The sex scene with Julianne Moore and Annette Bening. WHAT?! I refuse to believe that ACTUAL lesbians have sex like that, in front of male gay porn! I get the point they are trying to make: That straight porn is all a bunch of pounding and slapping, "lesbian" porn is just two straight girls who are clearly not into it and only made to fulfill male fantasies but male gay porn is more real because you probably have to be gay to do it and you can tell they are into it because of the obvious signs. 

I know that some lesbians, if they watch porn at all then they would rather watch male gay porn because of above reasons but I really don't think that it was an accurate portrayal of lesbian sex and again I would hate to think that people come away thinking "oh so that's how they do it". They could have easily just had the sex scene without watching the porn.


Other than those two points though, I was glad to see a movie about a lesbian couple at the Cinema, not on a special "gay themed night". I know loads of people have criticised it for so many other reasons but you cant get everything into a film in an hour and a half. Also, if it did represent all average same-sex couples then there probably wouldn't be a film to make as most people lead average lives without film worthy incidents. I just wish they could have made it without so many stereotypes. 

Also Julianne Moore makes a hot lesbian. She looks very cool.

Friday, 5 November 2010

Weird Creepy Aliens

Being ill sucks.
It is BORING.
And leads you to look up strange things on the internet.

I looked up a chest xray and wondered what is going on in my lungs. 

Why can't you see your lungs on an xray? But you can see your boobs?

I was also looking up ears because apparently my eardrum looks dull and a bit red, what the hell does that mean? 


I'll tell you now. Do not search ear infection images. GROSS.

Then I was looking up ears in general and found this picture of all the ear piercings you can get.

If I saw a girl with all those pierced she would totally be a homo. But if she had just one or a couple, how can you tell?

I have a collection of ear piercings which I got before I knew I was gay, but looking back, I wanted them because all the cool girls have piercings. And everyone knows, all the cool girls are lesbians

  • Industrial = lesbian
  • Conch = lesbian
  • Snug = lesbian
  • Rook = lesbian
  • Helix = lesbian
  • Tragus = at least bisexual
  • Single Lobe = boring
  • Double Lobe = questionable
  • Triple Lobe = lesbian
  • No piercings = mysterious and I like it. 
OK I think I should go have a nap now.

Wednesday, 20 October 2010

Joel Burns tells gay teens "it gets better" http://www.joelburns.com

Ramona Quimby

I can't believe it! They are making a movie of Ramona.
Does anyone else even know who Ramona is?
 
I freakin' loved that show. I never read the books but I can remember watching the show really early on the weekend mornings. I just found out that the show was made in 1988. 

I really am old.

Ramona is the cutest kid. 

I can hardly remember what happened in the show, there were only 10 episodes. 

I really wish I could watch it now. I hope the movie is good. Here is the trailer: Ramona and Beezus
 

Monday, 11 October 2010

Secret gay movies

Don't you just love it when you are watching a movie and you are enjoying it because it is a good movie. AND THEN, out of the blue, some of the main characters are LESBIANS?!

Yey. SURPRISE!!

Aaaand they are not single freakos who have a lot of cats, and they are gorgeous, and they are believable, and they don't die at the end just before it gets good, how freaking awesome.

Movies this has happened in that I have watched recently:

Precious
Everybody's fine
4.3.2.1.
Whip It


OK, not Whip It. But its such a good Girl Power movie that it should be included. Any one know anymore secretly lesbian movies?

 

Sunday, 10 October 2010

Why did I watch that?

We just watched, The Human Centipede.
When I first heard about it I thought it would be about adding extra limbs to one person.

HOW WRONG WAS I?!


I'm not going to explain the concept because I don't want that written on my blog.
I don't think it was a very good film. The guy doing it was really creepy and what he was doing was disgusting, but if you took the concept out of the movie then it would be boring.

The ending was annoying because I want to know what happens next but I really don't want to see the second film. Especially if the acting is as bad as it was in this movie. I guess they were the only actors they could get that would want to play such roles.

To be honest, I wouldn't even watch it for a second time. There are not many films I would say that about. I'm glad we rented another film to watch later so I don't go to sleep thinking about it... I am thinking about it now though... I have so many questions. Like, I know that it was supposedly medically accurate but how did they pee? and how did the second two drink? How long was the time frame of the movie because wouldn't the second two died of dehydration/starvation? How many days can you live without water? Googled it. 3 days. Was it because they were put on a drip? I bet it was. Also do they have tongues? Like, could they taste? Gross. Gross. Gross. What if they were sick? OMG. 

I always think when I'm watching a horror movie, what would I do? and then I realise, I would never be in that situation. For example, the two girls get a flat tyre and have no signal in the middle of nowhere. What would I do? Check if I can change it myself. (no I cannot. Damn I'm such a bad lesbian.)  See if I can get a phone signal within view of the car. If I can't, STAY IN THE CAR all night with the doors locked. 

Do not go into the woods wearing only heals, short shorts and a boob tube. It's good advice.

Tuesday, 28 September 2010

Mmmm... Sushi

Why do all lesbians love sushi?
I think it's delicious and so do all the lesbians that I know, find me a lesbian who doesn't like sushi and I will not believe you.

I think it's because the salmon is so soft in your mouth. (that was not meant to sound rude)

I just ate all you can eat sushi in the best sushi place in town. You have to eat everything you order or they charge you for what you don't eat. My goodness we ordered a lot of sushi. I feel like I have eaten a lifetimes worth of sushi in one night.  I'm worried that I will never be able to eat it again. I will do it again. Perhaps not soon.
I just typed "lesbian sushi" into Google. (I have no shame I will type anything into Google) and I found two things. One is this:
 
Phyllis: Dean Porter, you're demoting her.
Alice: I'm taking Phyllis to Murakami.
Bette: Lesbian Sushi.
Phyllis: Really? Lesbians have their own special kind of sushi?


And two is that if you type the word lesbian into Google, it doesn't auto-complete. Is it that Google thinks lesbian is a word that shouldn't be searched?! Hmn lets see what else you can type into Google... you can type, queer, dyke, gay and they all auto-complete with things like gay pride, gaydar, gay test, queer theory, queer as folk, etc but if I type lesbian, nothing. The only other thing that I can think of to type in that doesn't auto-complete is the word porn. 

Google thinks you shouldn't search for lesbians or porn, God forbid you type in lesbian porn!!

I just think that kinda sucks. You know what does not suck though? Sushi.

Wednesday, 22 September 2010

You come out to a couple of people and suddenly everybody is gay...

So after my recent coming out. 
Which is going awesomely btw. (I love to talk about being gay and in LOVE openly.)
I have found out that not one but two other women at my work are gay and not only gay but MARRIED. howfreakingawesomeisthat?! 

I do not, however, work in the same department as them or even in the same building. Buuuuut I have a sneaking suspicion that one of the people I came out to recently, told one of these gay ladies that I am also in the circle-of-trust. Why do I think this? She totally did the Lesbian-Backwards-Head-Nod. AND smiled. She's gotta know. I secretly hope she does.

Michael: Can you tell who's gay and who's not?
Dwight: Of course.
Michael: What about Oscar?
Dwight: Absolutely not.
Michael: Well he is.
Dwight: Well, he's not dressed in women's clothes, so...

Coming out is difficult because you never know what reaction you are going to get. Luckily for me, the only truly negative reactions that I have had are from people I don't want to be friends with anyway.  But coming out is one thing. Working out who is gay and who is just a superdry fan is super difficult. 

Michael: Do some research. Find out if there's a way to tell just by looking at them.
Dwight: Jim told me you could by gaydar online.
  
I often find myself having the is she/isn't she conversation but unless she has her hands down another girls trousers and is glued to her face, how do you really know? At Norwich Pride 2009 a woman was speaking about how lesbians check each other out when they see another could-be-lesbian but they never do the head nod, or smile when secretly we all want the head nod and the smile because we all like to feel a part of the secret club that is LESBIANISM.

So if you see me in the street and I do the head nod at you, its because I think you are, or should be, batting for my team. 

Bears. Beats. Battlestar Galactica.

Jim: Question. What kind of bear is best?
Dwight: That's a ridiculous question.
Jim: False. Black Bear
Dwight: That's debatable. There are basically two schools of thought--
Jim: Fact. Bears eat beats. Bears. Beats. Battlestar Galactica.
Dwight: Bears do not.... What's going on? What are you doing?!

Paaaah hahah ahaha haha ha!!!!!!!!

This is clearly the best prank that Jim pulls on Dwight.
Jim turns up to work dressed as Dwight and depicts his mannerisms and character perfectly. 

BEARS. BEATS. BATTLESTAR GALACTICA.

 

This made me think about dressing up. This weekend, I am going to a drag party. I so wanna go "bro" ala Halloween 2008 but I fear my bazoomas are unsquishable. I don't wanna look like a guy with moobs and an eyeliner goatee. (Oh, perry, you've drawn a bit of a beard on). I hear that cling film makes for a bad choice for strappingthemdown. Waay too steamy in there. And I also hear that duct tape really rips your skin off. What is a girl to do? Someone said wear a sports bra that is too small for you. I just so happen to have one of those lying around but I tried that one, in fact I tried two brasthatstrapyoudown on at once when I was Edward Cullen, I wish Scissorhands. I was still boobilicious. damn. Also I couldn't be bothered to make more scissor fingers so I just used forks. One of them, I found in my room, from the day before. It still had food on. Gross. Man I miss the freeze sometimes. Themed parties are my favourite.

Kelly: Hey! A margarita-karaoke-Christmas party! That sounds like fun.
Angela: No. That is not a party, there is only one party and it's hosted by the party planning committee, and it starts at 3 o'clock.
Kevin: Then why are there two flyers?
Karen: Oh, I understand that this is confusing for everyone, let me explain. There's a party that starts at 3--
Kevin: Right...
Karen: And then there's a way more fun party that starts at 2:45.
Pam: Right, and if you're interested in the way more fun party, all the info can be found here, on our more brightly colored flyer.

Sunday, 12 September 2010

Mmm. Cake.

I will be making Carrot Cake this week.
This is how I will make it:

Ingredients

  • 300g plain flour
  • 2 tsp cinnamon
  • 1 tsp baking powder
  • ½ tsp bicarbonate of soda
  • 200g soft brown sugar
  • 4 eggs
  • 250ml oil
  • 1 orange, zested
  • 1 lemon, zested
  • 200g carrots, finely grated
  • 150g walnuts, chopped 
It is going to be lush. I might share it, if you are lucky.

Thursday, 9 September 2010

No. I do not have a boyfriend...

I came out to another person at work and actually said the words "I'm GAY". I didn't shout it but it felt like I did. Luckily, I was talking to someone who's "best friend is gay" and they thought that it was awesome and I should have told my stupid ignorant colleague last year, on her last day, just to mess with her. Wish I had now!

Sometimes I think that even when I specifically tell someone that I have a girlfriend they think I am being cute and calling my friend who is a girl my girlfriend like a gal pal. puke. Idiots.

The next person I'm gonna out myself to is my boss. Hopefully this will happen when there is another one of my colleagues there too (i'll pick my time carefully) so then I don't ever have to fake laugh or avoid the question again when they ask about having a boyfriend?! I hate that some people may feel sorry for me because I don't have a boyfriend. I do not need your sympathy thankyouverymuch. I have a wonderful WOMAN in my life who makes me extremely happy.

One day, people will ask if you have a boyfriend or a girlfriend and it won't matter to them either way.

Should but won't

Today I was looking through the UEA student hand book (Lucy's) and there is a website called fatbrain.co.uk you can buy and sell you books really easily. So I thought brilliant, I've got a tonne of American Studies books that I have never read and will never read. I should but I won't. Hopefully I can make some extra cash.

I started by adding the A People and A Nation (the bane of American Studies '08 Student's lives): Not buying at this time.
OK something else shit that I can't even remember which class I bought it for: Major problems in the History of the American West: £6.95 hmn. kinda ok. more than a fiver, oh wait here is the original price sticker - £16.95. Damn what a waste of money. oh no wait, a people and a nation, has a sticker too - £31.95 shit.
What about... American Politics and Society: Not buying at this time. John Brown's Body: Not buying at this time. Major Problems in American Constitutional History: Not buying at this time. They don't want my crappy books, what about my interesting ones... Critical White Studies (Used this for sooo many essays here and in America, so useful): £2.50, Lucy's (Not sure I should be selling her books) Hop On Pop: £1.68 Generations of Captivity (Made me sound clever when I had read it and talked about it in class) £0.11. ELEVEN PENCE!?! What's the point?! Sigh.

I basically learned that I could sell all my interesting uni books and make about £10 and it would leave me with all the boring ones I never read. Maybe it's the universe telling me that I should have read them? I won't. Shorn't

I'll have to make other uses for A People and A Nation:
- Lucy used it as part of her Halloween costume last year - she held it when she was being the Statue of Liberty.
- Spider killer
- A weapon to beat off intruders.
- As a door stop.
- It's a good one for pressing flowers.
- We have two copies (one is Lucy's) I could stick them to the bottom of my shoes and I would be two inches taller.

Monday, 6 September 2010

I came out to two people at work today

I'm not out at work.

I work in a school so it's not really appropriate to be like hey everyone. I'm gay. Deal.
Especially when everyone and their mother is like "hey *generic school boy name* is gay" and "I'm not doing that, it's gay" all the live long day. Bastards.

I've been in my job nearly a year and my girlfriend has always been my housemate.

I've been in four jobs since I came out and I have been out in two of them. The first I was not out, it was not necessary, there was nearly no-one worth talking to. Since then in the next two jobs, I came out to my team after I got to know them and then the next job I came out on my first day. So easy when you work with cool people.
The people I work with now are different. For the last year I've been working with an old woman who thinks all gay people are male hairdressers. The rest of the people I work with are in another office and I'm not close with any of them and they have a "hot man" calender on the wall. So this coupled with the "that's so gay". I didn't think this was the right environment to declare that I love women. One woman to be precise.

However, this all changed today. The old woman has left and I have a new colleague. So she was like how was your holiday, who did you go with? And I responded with my girlfriend and her family it was awesome, and the next question was just where in America did you go? How Awesome.

So armed with one person knowing that I have a girlfriend I decided to just tell the next person who asked me about my holiday that I went with my girlfriend. There was a little Ooh in her voice but she continued on with the conversation as though nothing out of the ordinary had happened.

Hurray for open minded people! Nothing out of the ordinary had happened.

So here is my plan. If someone asks me about anything where I can say that I did it with my girlfriend, (That's what she said) went there with my girlfriend, (That's what she said again?) have a girlfriend then I'm just gonna go for it. That is including my boss but not any students. Let's see how it goes. :)

Sunday, 5 September 2010

Bored games?

For those of you who know me and my girlfriend, you will know that there is nothing we like more than to be quizzed on our favourite TV shows. Lucy has the Friends trivia book and I swear, there is not a question she cannot answer.

F.R.I.E.N.D.S Scene it?

OMG. So much fun aaaaand Gunther takes you through everything.
The fact that this game runs on your DVD player amazes me. So cool.

I personally find this game kinda difficult, the questions are the kind of questions that the answer is in the back of your mind and you know that you know the answer but you only have 10 seconds...

Lucy however, is the queen of this game. BUT even she admits there are questions in here that she wouldn't know. They MUST be difficult.



The Office Trivia Game: The Sequel

So, I recently bought this game in P-Town.
We have played it twice.
The idea of the game is basically to get around the board to collect all the coloured Dundies.
You do this by answering questions in each room.

As a fan of the show, I can say that it's an awesome game. The questions are challenging and the concept is a good one. However, what the hell are you meant to do with the coloured dice and how the hell do you get into the purple room?
The instructions are funny. Not funny - haha. I mean funny weird. After it explains what the first player is meant to do and what the pieces do, it doesn't explain anything else. There are two dice. One is clearly for rolling and moving with but there is a coloured one that has 6 sides (obviously) and numbers 2-7. There are 7 rooms that you can enter on the board which are coloured the same as the colours on the dice but there is a purple room and no purple side to the dice. WHAT??! TOO CONFUSING.

I said its an awesome game, and it is, but you have to kinda make up your own rules. They may as well have given you the contents of the game and no rules. Brilliant.

Thursday, 2 September 2010

Dunder Mifflin: The People Person's Paper People

Andy Bernard: Okay so help us out.
Michael Scott
: I wish I could but I can't, well can but won't. Should - maybe but shorn't.
Kevin Malone
: Michael please.
Michael Scott
: What part of shorn't don't you understand, Kevin? 

The American Office is more than ten times better than The British Office. 

OK, Season One is extremely similar to British Office but pass that and Season Two is where it really becomes its own show. 

Before I had watched the American version, I would have called myself a "fan" of the British Office. However, it's creepy and makes me cringe so bad whenever Ricky Gervais is on screen. I loved to hate it. 

The Office: An American Workplace takes all the awesome parts of the British show and leaves out the creepy parts. Michael Scott is as stupid and ridiculous as David Brent but in his heart you know he is a sweet guy who just wants to find a woman to love. Whereas, you know you would not like to meet David Brent when he is looking for a date. You could easily turn Michael down but David would be a smarmy creep to try to take you home. Michael is a goofy fool most of the time whereas you know David Brent is a horrible man who thinks he is God's gift. I do not like David Brent.

When you watch Michael Scott on screen, you think "oh God Michael, don't say/do that, you are going to ruin it for yourself" where as with David Brent you think "oh God David, stop, seriously, that poor person you are talking to!". The only time I have felt absolutely terrible for what Michael is about to do is in "Scott's Tots".  That episode is in Season Six. It took six seasons of the show to freak me out whereas Ricky Gervais does it in nearly every episode of the two seasons of the British version.

There are obviously some good things about the British version. Tim and Dawn are a cute couple and their love story is beautifully British. Garreth is awkward, strange and creepy. He is a character like no other... Or so you would have thought. Dwight starts out just like Garreth, he is a suck-up, he thinks his boss is his one true leader and he has no problem knocking others out of his way for personal gain. He is, as is Garreth, an actual idiot. However, unlike Garreth he has a likable side, he is, underneath his ridiculousness, a sweet man. I guess you may only see that though after watching six seasons religiously.
Tim and Dawn are the British Version of Jim and Pam. The premise is the same. Tim and Jim are geeky but cute guys only in their job because of the receptionist they are secretly in love with. Dawn and Pam are said receptionists. Tim and Dawn are just about the only bearable thing in the British Office. I am more in love with Jim and Pam though. I am in love with their love. It's so believable and cute and adorable and I love love love them. LOVE. 

There are sooo many things that I love about The Office: An American Workplace. Too many to mention in just one post. (Oh wait, I started a blog, I can write about whatever I want, whenever I want). There are so many reasons why it is so great, one of which is the tiny details that you miss on your first watch. For example: 
- Erin's real name is Kelly. There is already a Kelly in the office so she takes on her middle name.
- Creed and Meredith's computer screens are often in shot, showing that they are playing solitaire.
- Angela keeps one of her cats in the bottom draw of a filing cabinet.
- Jan LOVES Hunters band.
- When Jim puts Dwight's desk in the men's room, Kevin comes out of a stall with a candle.
- In the Halloween episode of Season Six, Creed is dressed as a vampire, Ryan is dressed as Edward Cullen. Daryl calls them the old guy and the goth kid.
- Toby gets Creed to eat a potato like and apple and not notice that it's not an apple.
- When Meredith flashes Michael, he still takes a picture.
- On the tour of Michael and Jan's house, they didn't put away the video camera in the bedroom.
- Michael doesn't sleep in a bed with Jan, he sleeps on a bench at the end of the bed, like a dog.
- The excessive use of "Babe" by Jan and Michael for each other.
- Meredith gets bitten by a bat because Dwight traps her head in a trash bag with the bat inside.

These tiny details make me crack up, every time.